


Young Love Book III

by StormyBear30



Series: Young Love [3]
Category: 30 Seconds to Mars
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-09
Updated: 2012-01-09
Packaged: 2017-10-29 07:03:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/317039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormyBear30/pseuds/StormyBear30





	Young Love Book III

I watch him from across the room as he mingles and laughs with some of the other guests that are surrounding us. I can't keep my eyes off of him, no matter how much I try, because I just can't get over the fact of how different he looks. He looks so different and then yet at the same time I can see every now and then a peek of the young and handsome boy I used to know so well. My heart aches at his easy banter and laughter he is sharing with those around him, the way that he holds the woman at his side like she is the finest piece of china. I watch as he leans over and kisses her gently, closing my eyes and recalling a time when those lips used to bring me to such heights. I fight the urge to claw her eyes out at the beautiful smile she shares with him once they break apart, because the jealously is something that I can hardly contain.

"I'm leaving" I say to the person standing beside me, someone that in a million years I never thought I would be friends with again.

"Brent…he's standing right there. Go and talk to him" Jared speaks, placing his hand upon my arm in support.

"I can't. It hurts too much" I say, wanting to cry on that very spot as I continue to watch him.

"It's been five years. He's not the same person that he used to be"

"And that's another reason as to why I can't talk to him. He probably doesn't even remember me"

"You were lovers Brent…and if I recall you were his first true love. Trust me…you don't ever forget your first true love" I see a look of sadness cross Jared's face, but I ignore it. Jared and I had long ago talked about everything that had happened and I had found it in my heart to get over it and become friends again.

"I just want to leave" I don't leave room for him to argue as I start walking away, my heart stopping in my chest as I come face to face with the man that I was trying to avoid all along. "Tim…" I rush out like some simpleton, cursing my luck in my head.

"Brent…" His face seems to light up for a second, but then it returns to normal as he leans forward and hugs me awkwardly. "How are you?" He asked, his eyes searching mine as if trying to read my very soul.

"Great. I'm doing great" I reply dumbly, watching the way that he stiffens when Jared walks up beside me. "How have you been?" I asked, ignoring the fact that Jared is even there.

"I'm doing great" He repeats my answer, his arm tightening even more around the beautiful woman at his side. "Um…this is…" He hesitates for a moment, still staring right at me. "Um…"

"Anita…my name is Anita" She finishes for him, glaring at him out of the corner of her eyes before turning on a bright smile for Jared and I.

"Yes…Anita…sorry baby" He apologizes to her, kissing her on the cheek before turning his attention back towards me. "Are you and Jared…" He leaves the sentence open, but I can see that he is rigid as he waits for the answer.

"No…we are…" He begins to speak, but my own mouth gets the better of me before he can finish.

"We are trying to keep it under wraps…but Jared and I are getting married" I blurt out before I even know what I've said.

"WHAT?" He and Jared both cry out together, each looking completely startled at my revelation.

"That's wonderful" Tim's date cries out, hugging and kissing us both on the cheek as I reach over and take Jared's hand into my own.

"Yeah…that's wonderful" Tim seems taken aback as he just stands there with a look that I can't quite decipher upon his face. "Congratulations to the both of you" He tries to cover himself, but I see though it and as much as it makes me happy to know that he still seems to have some feelings for me, it kills me that I have lied to him once again.

"Tim and I are getting married as well" The woman announces with a smile, flashing a sparkling diamond ring at us. I can't take anymore as I turn and practically run for the door. I don't care what they think or what they say because all I care about is getting as far away from all of them as I can.

I feel bone tired as I lie on my couch, dried tears upon my face as I think back to a happier time when Tim and I were together. I always knew that it would be hard to see him again; the problem was that I didn't think it would feel as if my heart was crushed into a bloody pulp with his two bare hands. I recall over and over again just how happy the two of them looked, the flashing of her ring and all I want to do it cry and scream and tear everything I can get my hands on apart. I don't get the chance as a knock upon my door hinders my progress of destruction. "Go away Jared" I scream at the door, trying to rip a small throw pillow in half, but the knocking, much louder this time, once again hindering my effort. "I said go away Jared" I scream out loud, throwing open the door and finding Tim standing there instead of Jared. "Tim…"

"Can I come in?" He asks, looking so cute and unsure and I am brought back to five years ago.

"Um…sure" I mutter like an idiot, looking behind him, expecting to find his soon to be wife.

"I took her home" He answers for me. "I wanted to talk to you alone"

My breath catches once again, but I try to play it off as I close the door behind him and usher him into the living area. "Would you like something to drink?" I ask, being polite when all I want to do it throw him on the couch and kiss the shit out of him.

"Are you really marrying Jared?" He asks straight forward, sitting beside me on the couch as I fall heavily upon it.

"No…" I finally spill the truth because I already know that he knows it.

"Then why would you say that?"

I hesitate for a moment before speaking. "I don't know" I begin. "I saw you there with that woman and it just came out before I could even think about it"

He doesn't say anything, just stares into my eyes as if to gage the truth this time. "You look so sad" He says reaching out and tracing the tips of his finger down the side of my face.

"I'm ok" I lie some more, flinching back because just that simple touch is killing me. "It's been a great year" I get up and start pacing the room. "Business has been good and…" I don't know what to say from here. "Anita seems like a wonderful girl and you seem very happy together" My stomach blanches at those words as I walk over to a chair on the other side of the room and sit down.

"She is a great girl" He says, smiling, but it just doesn't seem convincing. "She's smart and funny and beautiful…but she's not you" My breath catches in my throat at his words as I watch him get up and walk over towards me. In a scene so similar to five years ago, I watch as he kneels before me. "We don't have the fun that you and I used to have" He has a far away look in his eyes and it causes me to smile a little. "Do you remember all the fun that we used to have?" He's looking directly into my eyes. "We used to laugh and carry on. We were just so happy to be together. Remember all those late nights where we would watch movies until dawn and pig out like crazy"

"Yeah…" I sigh, and then laugh. "I didn't get this body by eating healthy" I laugh again softly as I pat my stomach.

"I loved that body. I miss that body" He's looking me straight in the eye again and before I can respond, I find his arms wrapped around my middle, head on my chest. I want to fight him, know that I should push him away, but I can't. Instead I wrap my arms around his shoulders, close my eyes and enjoy the time I know will be coming to an end soon enough. "You know you almost killed me when you ended things with me that night" He speaks softly into my chest. I wonder for a moment if he can hear my heart break as I recall the night that I nearly killed myself as well. "I didn't think that would ever recover from the pain"

"I had to Tim" I respond, still fighting the urge to push him away, but losing the battle yet again.

"I understand it now…but back then I was completely dumb founded. I couldn't understand why you could just hurt me like that when you knew how much I loved you" His head is still on my chest, my shirt starting to feel wet. I know that he is crying and yet I don't say anything as my own set of tears begins to form behind my eyes as well.

"I needed to let you grow" I choke on the words because as much as I know they are true, they still fucking cut like a knife. "It almost killed me to Timmy…but it was the best thing that I've ever done. Look at you…" I push him back, missing the warmth of his body already, but needing to get my point across. "You've become so successful. Your band is number one on the charts and your touring almost nearly non-stop. You have a lovely new fiancée and…"

"And I'm completely miserable" He cuts me off, looking up at me with eyes loaded with tears. "I made a pact with myself after you dumped me that I was going to do everything in my power to become a success. I worked so fucking hard and there were times that I didn't think that it would ever happen and then it did and all I wanted to do was come running back to you. I never stopped loving you Brent…not once" He gets up and walks away from me. "Each time that we would top the charts…hit gold…I'd try coming back to you and each time you were with someone else. I wanted you back so bad and I did this all for you and you were always with someone fucking else"

"You mean like Sawyer…who looked almost identical to you. How about James…who wore the same cologne that you did. Let's not forget Nick…who looked like you so much from the back that I found myself always walking behind him constantly. You think that it was so easy for me to end things with you…because trust me it wasn't. I never got over you Tim and it nearly devastated me to do it…but I knew that I had to let you go" I don't get a chance to utter another word as he rushes over at me, jerking me out of my chair before crashing his lips upon my own. Again, I want to fight him, but I can't as I open up and allow him entrance.

I know it's wrong, know that he belongs to another, but I find that I don't care as we stumble and trip our way into my bedroom. We are both nearly naked before I come to my senses and push him away. "Brent…don't do this" He says to me, the fear in his voice so audible that it breaks my heart.

"You belong to another" I swallow hard because the words taste like bile and burn my throat.

"I belong to you. We belong together. You're my soul mate…don't you fucking get that yet" His fear begins to turn to anger and who could blame him, because for some reason this man wants to me with me and I keep pushing him away.

"I know…" I smile, kissing him as if to prove my point. "End it. End it and come back to me" I demand, kissing him again. "I love you Tim" I have never in my life spoken words that are so true and full of ultimate meaning.

"I love you too" He beams, kissing me hungrily before pulling back. "Wait for me" He throws out over his shoulder as he dresses. "I don't know how long it will take…but promise you'll wait for me"

"For as long as it takes" I promise, falling into his kiss once again once he is dressed.

"I love you" He smiles at me, kissing me one final time before heading for the door.

"I love you too" I call out after him, smiling like a look, but I don't care.

It's been three days and I am an absolute wreck. I haven't heard one word from Tim since he left and as much as I want to believe those words he told me, I now find myself doubting them. I can't help but think that maybe I pushed him to far, that maybe he lied when he told me that he loved me and thought of me as his soul mate. I don't want to think such horrible things, but I can't help it because it's been three days and here I am all alone yet again. I intend to wander endlessly down my downward destruction, but a soft knock upon my door stops me. I nearly fall on my face as I trip over a throw rug, cursing silently to myself as I throw open the door and find a disheveled Tim standing before me. He looks beat down and exhausted as he falls into my arms and clings to me tightly. "I didn't think that it would be so hard" He sobs, his hold on me tightening.

"Oh Tim…I'm so sorry baby" I feel the weight of my guilt push upon me and I continue to hold him. "I shouldn't have pushed you to leave her" I walk away, head hung low in full and utter shame. "I'm sorry for being such a selfish bastard"

"Just hold me Brent…please" He begs and I do as he asks as I turn around and pull him into my arms. "Can we lay down?" He sounds so small and hurt and my guilt transcends upon me again, but he is my main focus right now as I walk the two of us slowly into my bedroom.

It's been hours and he still hasn't said a word. I want to speak to him so badly, want to try and figure out what the hell happened and where or if we can go on from here, but I say nothing. I know that he will talk to me when he is willing and ready and I thank my lucky stars that at least I have him in my arms at this moment in time. "I now understand what you felt like when you ended things with me five years ago" His voice is muffled as he continues to hide his face in my chest. "I get it now. I had to let her go…just like you had to let me go and it's the worst pain ever"

My heart speeds up and I know he can hear it, but I don't care because he's talking and I'm ready to hear what he has to say. "It is…" I reply, holding him a bit tighter because the unknown is killing me.

"Don't ever let me go again" He says with emphasis as he pulls out of my arms and just lies on his side staring at me. "Promise me. Promise that you won't ever leave me like that again"

"I promise" I don't even hesitate as I pull him back into my arms and crush him against my body. "You and I will be together for ever" I lie, but I don't care because I know that I will do whatever is in my power to stay in Tim's life, even fighting the afterlife.

"I love you so much Brent" He declares, not even giving me a chance to reply as he kisses me with a frenzied passion that I feel as if I my pass out from it, and yet I don't care. Making love to Tim had always been a surreal experience, but tonight it's so much more, more then I could never explain. I feel as if I am dreaming as I enter him, the warmth of his tightness surrounding me. I am floating of a cloud as I make love to the man that I know was put only on this planet for me. He clings to me in desperation, causing me to bleed and yet I say nothing, because I know exactly how he is feeling as we come together in very loud decibels. The blood and the pain make it real and something tells me that it's going to be a long time before either of us fully register that this in fact is real.

Epilogue…

I feel completely exhausted as I open my eyes and slowly look around me. I can't figure out what is going on at first, but then the last three years of my life come crashing back at me and I find myself even more exhausted. "How are you feeling baby?" I hear my lover of forty years ask me. I want to speak, but I haven't been able to speak much since the stroke three years ago and with each day that passes it gets harder and harder to do anything, even breathe. I know that my time is getting close and as much as I would love to leave this earth and the non moving prison that is my body, for Tim's sake I just can't. I love him so much and despite the fact that I know that I am a burden to him, I don't have the strength to leave him and let him go. I keep recalling a promise made to him forty years ago and despite my weariness I refuse to give up and find peace.

***I'm fine*** I say with my eyes, using a code we came up with long ago. I feel nothing as he takes my hand into his own, kissing it tenderly before sitting in a chair located next to my bed. My eyes leave him for a second as I take in the others, the family that Tim and I have raised surrounding me, sadness and pity in their eyes because they know why I don't leave.

"I need some alone time with you father" I hear his raspy voice speak, my barely beating heart stopping in my chest because the sadness there alerts me to the fact that my time here won't be for much longer and as sad as that makes me feel, it makes me happy as well. I love you's and kisses are shared with me as one by one my family leaves us alone. "I love you so much…you know that right" I blink one for yes quickly, because I do. "I've been selfish for too long and now it's time for you to go" I try to speak, but I can't, my eyes huge and flashing because as much as I am ready to end my suffering, I just can't leave him.

"I know you are trying to keep your promise Brent…but I want you to be free" Tears race down his wrinkled, yet still handsome face. "I can't hold you here anymore and as much as I want to cling to you and never let you go…I know it's not fair to you. You've made me the happiest man on the planet for the last forty years. There isn't a time in all the time we've been together that I remember being unhappy. Sure we've fought from time to time" He brings my hand to his face, stray tears dripping across it and yet I don't feel it. "But it was nothing compared to the love that we shared. I love you so much Brent" He repeats again, struggling to get out of his chair as he stands besides my bed. I feel his lips brush softly against my unmoving ones. "Go be at peace and when my time comes we will be together once again"

***I love you*** I blink three times, letting him know just how much he means to me without speaking a word. I know that he means ever word as I stare into blue eyes that still hold such a sparkle within them. I want to cry and yet I don't know if I am or not as I blink three more times before closing my eyes and letting my body relax. I open them once more and lay eyes upon my tearful lover, the smile on his face breaking my heart and yet at the same time making me so happy because now in a sense both of our sufferings will be over. With a final breath and what I hope is a smile in return, I close my eyes and everything falls into peaceful oblivion.

I can feel myself leaving my body, standing on the outside, looking down on my unmoving framey. I am once again surrounded by my family as they take my tearful lover into their embrace and hold him as together they mourn my passing. Suddenly the room grows bright as I turn around and find even more people around me, these being people who I have lost and meant the most to me in the previous forty years. I am surrounded by their love and their warmth as I find my mother before me, not speaking a word, but her eyes telling me that everything is going to be fine. Jared and Shannon stand behind her, both looking so young and beaming like idiots as they engulf me within their arms. I can't believe how happy I am to see each and every one of them, but then my attention in drawn back towards the other side of the room and the scene still playing out before me. ***He'll be ok*** I hear Jared's voice in my head. ***It's not his time yet…but when it is you will be together once again***

***I love you Tim and I'll be waiting for you when your time comes*** I try to speak, but the words only echo within my mind, but something tells me that he hears me as he breaks away from our family and stares in my direction with such a beautiful and tearful smile upon his face.

The End…


End file.
